And not that "kinda cool weird" feeling you get when watching an episode of Comedy Bang Bang. I mean the overly annoyingly annoying weird that makes you want to gouge out your eyeballs, rip off your ears, and cut out your tongue so that you can't see, hear, or speak of it ever again. You know that horrible student film you made in college that you never ever want anyone to see because the acting was terrible and the plot didn't make any sense? That's San Francisco.
And with that, here's the 6 most annoying Things I've learned after living 7 Years in San Francisco:
1) Any form of transportation straight up sucks (that includes walking)
When it comes to how I get around, like most people in SF, I usually alternate between three things; walking, driving, and taking public trans (MUNI, for those you not from here). The reason why I switch between these things, without relying on one or the other too much is because... well... relying on any one of these too much would drive the average person completely bat-shit insane (which basically explains the entire Tenderloin).
You'd think SF would be a great place to walk; it's a very compact city that has a lot of NYC influences, shops are typically right around the corner from where you live, and the scenery is unquestionably beautify around here. The reason why it sucks ass is because there's dog shit, used condoms, and human shit literally sprinkled around on every single block. It's not even off to the side or anything, it's literally plopped in the middle of the sidewalks to the point where you have to long jump over it. I'm sure there's some shoe cleaner company that makes a mint off of this city.
Driving in San Francisco is a private hell in itself, because everyone drives slow (thus making rush hours just as bad as Los Angeles), there's no place to park, and the meter people hand out tickets like they're Jolly Ranchers and it's Halloween. Plus the roads are unkempt, way too narrow on two-way streets, and don't make any logical sense from a city planning perspective. You can't make left turns anywhere, roads change names without warning, and some street-signs are flat out missing. That's all I'm going to say about driving in SF, because it's already pissing me off just thinking about it.
And then there's SF's famous MUNI system, which NEVER runs on time, breaks down twice a day (always during peak hours too) and closes at 11:45 on weekends basically diving you the choice to either give yourself a nice little DUI/car death or pay $40 for a cab where the driver "forgets" how to use both his GPS and credit card machine. The city decided to make the Simpsons' Springfield decision to waste all their spare money to make a shitty shuttle that goes from downtown to Chinatown (which, if you're ever visited, you know is basically walking distance) instead of modernizing their entire public trans system, which as of 2013, has received record-breaking complaints from it's citizens over it's hilarious inefficiency and poor management.
2)There's zero logic when it comes to the dating scene
=HOT!!! 
=Ugly as a paper bag full of turds that you had to pay 10 cents for. I'm just gonna be straight up and say that I have a very hard time getting a date in this city. Like even one date. I'm not a shy dude either, I ask girls out all the time and am pretty chatty/friendly/confident by nature, but it never gets me anywhere. This is a problem I have never had anywhere else in any other place except for SF. Sure, I've been dumped/rejected before, many times in fact, but not even being able to get ONE date from girls that I know 100% are single (and straight) is something that I've found exclusively to be a huge factor in SF.
At the risk of sounding like I masturbate to my of reflection (only on Thursday mornings, for the record), I'm not a "bad looking" guy. In fact, I'm pretty decent looking. I also am in good shape, tall, have a good steady job, try to keep myself well-groomed, and am, in general, a well-mannered upstanding contributing member of society (despite that all my blog suggesting otherwise). I've never cheated on anyone nor intentionally done anyone any harm. I'd totally fuck me (a lot of people even tell me on a daily basis that I should).
So when I try to get a date from a girl I like in San Francisco I ALWAYS get one of two responses: Ether she says "I don't know you well enough as a friend to go on a date with you" (isn't the "gettimg to know you" thing the whole part of the first date? I don't want to date my sister, thanks...) or she says "I'm sorry, but I'm going through a lot right now and just want to concentrate on me right now" (I'm asking you to dinner, not giving you a ring. Just take the damn free meal!). Every. Single. Time. Normally when I get rejected in other cities it's usually an acceptable "you're not my type" or a even more acceptable "fuck no", but it's the fact the all SF ladies give similar answers is what really weird me out. And the WEIRDEST this is that this isn't exclusive to your's truly either. Every single guy (and even some women I know that aren't from here but are friends with girls who are) I talk to that is single, who is well mannered, decent looking, and not from SF, tells me they encounter the exact same problem on the regular from here. And these are guys that were getting dates left in right in other cities.
And the craziest thing happens when you take the time to observe who is actually getting dates in San Francisco and doesn't have this problem. Seriously, if you live here, just go outside for a couple hours and see what couples look like around here: All the most beautiful, accomplished girls, are always with the most homeless looking, uneducated, rude, ugly, out of shape, smelly, lazy, immature guys you'll ever see (I'm platonic friends with many of these ladies, so I'm not just pulling shit out of my ass here). And I'm not exaggerating because I'm bitter (I actually find the whole situation hilarious), that's actually the types of dudes around here girls find to be on a Chaninng Tatum level of hotness here. And these dudes they hook up with aren't a "beauty is skin deep" thing either; most are unemployed, alcoholics, cheaters, beaters, or just plain bad human beings. The worst part is, the girls that date these guys, don't think there's anything abnormal about how they treat them. The dude cheats on them or get arrested several times, SF girls be like "boys will be boys" and just continue on with the relationship with Mr. Evil Joe Dirt. And when the girl finally wises up and breaks up with the guy... The just go and and date the next guy they find that looks and acts exactly like the last one, thus the cycle continues.
And it isn't even like these guys have game or anything either. You see that drunk off his ass slob that came to the bar alone, instigates 4 fights per bar, can barely form words and dropped the last 2 drinks that were served to him? Well that is the guy that always pulls mad bitches on a Friday night. That's like if a 100% less suave and 100% more drunk Pierce Bronson never cleaned himself up when he great his hair out in Die Another Day and still managed to pull 6 Halle Berry's. I mean, I might as well quit my job, stop bathing, shaving, and live on the streets if I wanted to be a be pimp in this city.
Speaking of living on the streets...
3)The housing situation is basically an extortion scheme
I'm very happy to be living in the place I'm at, because I've seen firsthand what SF's housing situation is like. My place isn't the Ritz Carlton (Hey! That's my name too... but lame because it's not spelled with a K. K's are cool!) the shower pressure is shit, the lights flicker on and off, and shit's falling apart all the time, BUT it's basically the playboy mansion compared to what else is out there for under $2,000 a month.
Take a quick look at these postings on Craigslist:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/apa/
Notice a trend? All the affordable places are either in horrible neighborhoods, have a HUGE list of Nazi rules (like no overnight guests and no cooking), or are basically the size of a closet. And the worst part is, people literally line up bid on these small ass rooms, sometimes even offering more money for them than the initial price, because affordable housing is so scarce to the point of paying $800 just to life in a room that looks like this:
(In case you can't tell, the shoe rack is the head of the bed)
4)Everything in the city is strictly catered to the hipster crowed to the point where it's ridiculous
Everything in SF caters to a specific crowed: Those that hate the mainstream. This wouldn't necessarily be a terrible thing, but when EVERY place is like then, then the whole thing is a total oxymoron, because you're just making the weird and obscure into... the new mainstream. Now I've never considered myself to be associated with any specific crowed in general, I hate listening to Drake, but I dig Kanye West (recovering gay fish dating a Hobbit and all), and listen to a lot of Earth Wind and Fire. I just like what I like. I don't go out of my way to be a part of a certain culture. So when I go out to a bar, event, or other social setting, I get a little annoyed when every single place goes out of it was to cater strictly to people that are overly obsessed with banjos, wine, vinyl, strictly college only sports teams, and who love talking about ex Presidents and country music. That's seriously 90% of what you'll find if you go to a 4+ star reviewed bar that you found on Yelp. Every social spot is so ridiculously non mainstream that I am tempted to lock myself in a closet and blast horrible Top-40 Beiber music until my eardrums exploded just for a change of pace.
Also, no one is ever on the dace floor at these places for some reason. It's like "why didn't you just drink at home?". People tend to not socialize with other people unless they already know them, and the whole atmosphere in all these, supposedly social, spots is always very alienating. I went to a Lil' Jon DJ event at a very popular SF club last Saturday and almost everyone in the crowd was just standing around, looking board. No one was even getting crunk (which is basically the entire point in being in Lil' Jon's presence)! Sad...just... just sad.
5)The weather has A.D.D.
(SF in July)If you venture outside on an average day in SF, you'll notice two things; 1. There's a totally different climate in each district you go to, and 2. each area's climate changes ever other hour. And I'm not talking about it being warm during the day and then cooling off at night, I'm talking it being 50 degrees in the morning, 80 degrees mid morning, 40 degrees in the early afternoon, 70 degrees at lunchtime, and then and continuous alteration between 50 and 30 degrees with wind from early evening until midnight. And every other day after that is just other random shit. And if you drive to Oakland or San Jose (which aren't far from SF... at all) you get normal Northern California weather. It's like God's retarded brother Mickey, who's also addicted to sugar and paint, is solely in charge of this city's climate.
Now, you might be wondering at this point "Why they hell do YOU live here if you have so many issues with San Francisco?". Well I'm glad you asked that, homie, because that brings me to the final thing I find annoying about living in this city...
6)You'll end up staying here because it's also too damn easy to find a good, well-paying job compared to the cities that you actually want to live in
You don't see our McDonald employees protesting as much as the ones in NYC. You know why? Minimum wage here is going to be $11 probably within the next year. That's why. It most cities, you work one shitty-ass job for years and years, struggling to get by. Here?
Well let me just use myself as an example; I went from making minimum wage at a Nike store, to working at a condo complex, to working in sales at a start-up company, to making a respectable salary with benefits working in the financial district. All within a year. I didn't hunt down managers, I didn't have any connections, I didn't fuck my way to the top. All I did was keep updating my resume on Indeed.com and applied to whatever looked like a better job I currently had, maybe once or twice a week, until I finally ended up at the one I wanted in the first place.
I would rap this article up with something insightful to take away from my latest rant... but nope.
You can stop reading now.
